so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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