No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
