Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
nutella sex= disaster
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
