Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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