No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
