What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
