Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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