Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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