Just cropdusted the office
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it glows. i had to have it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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