holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
