Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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