YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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