dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
