My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
