Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
