I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Drake has all the answers
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
