if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
