Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
