She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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