i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if only i could text you this smell
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
