my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize