just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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