So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
