Just cropdusted the office
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
