He passed out mid-signature
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize