Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize