I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
