there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
