i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
