You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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