just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
