Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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