so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
