My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
