im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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