Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
