I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
