I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
