$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
a search helicopter?!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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