I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize