He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
