my mouth tastes like poor choices
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wish there were birth control emojis
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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