Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There r osticjed everywhere
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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