just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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