I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
