break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
