We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
