I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
