Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
