My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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