Tell her she can't have a vagina
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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