So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
