My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
