So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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