Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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