When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize