i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
