If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
