I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
