I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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