If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
