I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
These tits shall not be calmed
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize