This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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