I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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