Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
