hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
