his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize