We won't sleep together?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
