dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
