The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
