Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
