Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
